Tuesday, October 30, 2012

loss

As I sit here the first full day after Sandy made her way through the Northeast, I am stunned at the amount of damage she left behind.   Pictures of NYC and the Jersey shore made me hurt for people that live there and have lost everything - even to the extent of their lives.  It is reminiscent of so many disasters all over the world.  This blog is basically me processing, so sorry for my rambling!

I have been thinking about loss a lot today.  There are so many different ways to experience this - and none of them are easy.  Losing my mom at such a young age was - and still is - a big hit.  Having to leave Malawi - a place where I felt at home for the first time - left a hole.  Letting go of things that I think "should have been" in my life and actually allowing myself to heal when sometimes I would rather wallow.  Moving around so much in our lives has meant loss of those daily friendships with people that I have loved.  Yes, we have been blessed to have friends that will remain as close as family - but that makes it even harder to not have time with them more often than once a year.  It feels as though we are in a perpetual state of getting ready to say goodbye to someone or something - whether it be a person, a hope or an idea.  I know this is true of missionary life - but it is true for all people.

Watching the people in the news today look at what used to be their houses broke my heart.  I have never had to deal with loss of physical things to such an extent.  We have never owned a home, and the houses that we have lived in were never really ours.

But then, I guess nothing really is, is it?

James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows."  It is given to us, for a time, for his glory.  But if or when he chooses to take it away, blessed be his name.  This means everything.  For me right now it means my kids, my plans, my desires, my time.  I am working through a few things right now in my life that I continually have to remember to hold lightly - and it really stinks, if I am being honest.  Yet he continues to refine me and grow me.

That doesn't take away the pain of loss.  I can't wait until heaven.  Come, Lord Jesus! 

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