If you knew me in high school and even college, but have not seen me much since then, you may not recognize me. I'm not just talking the extra weight gain (though that is true, also!) but rather the fact that I was quite shy and quiet around most people during that time of life. My closest friends would laugh at that statement- they saw me when I was comfortable and able to be myself more. As an adult I feel like I have become more comfortable in my own skin in many ways. I know my roles for the most part, and have worked on becoming the best I can be in those roles whether that is as a wife, mom, pastor's wife, friend, daughter, etc.
In that, though, I realize what a perfectionist I can be when it comes to what I expect from myself. And when I have a longer period of time of "learning" and not "excelling" than I think I should, I get really impatient, self conscious, and insecure again. This phlebotomy thing is a good example of that. I was so nervous going last week to take blood, and my hands were shaking (not something you want to see on a person coming at you with a needle!) When I couldn't find a vein on the first guy, and then had another guy faint on me I got a little scared that I would never get the hang of it. I want to be that person that everyone leaves and says, "Wow, I didn't feel a thing!" Yet I am in the beginning of my training, and I know that last statement is not true! :)
After talking with my patient and encouraging trainer, and venting to Shawn who reminded me that I am ridiculous with my expectations sometimes, I went back this morning with more confidence. My prayer on the way was, "Help me not hurt people any more than necessary!" A little different from last week! hahaha And this was a great morning with an easier time finding veins, more confidence in the sticking, and an ability to laugh at myself.
I am constantly having to remind myself of that last part - the ability to laugh at myself. Not just in phlebotomy, but in life. I remember as a teenager feeling like having people laugh at me was the worst thing ever. I am quite certain in the next couple of years as we adjust to a new culture, learn a new language, and enter another phase of life I will need to be able to shake things off a little more, or life will be so overwhelming!
This training reminded me of my training in thankfulness (yes, that is what I am doing...training my mind and heart to see God in all things and therefor be thankful!) Learning to laugh at oneself seems like it goes along with living a life of gratefulness. Funny how that works!