Monday, February 7, 2011

hopes

Well, we are getting ready to head to Silver Bay, Lake George for a few days with the Masso family from Sudan.  They got here last night, and the kids have made fast friendships and are really enjoying each other.  After a few crowded hours in our house - with 11 people trying to get to know each other - we decided to go to the church and let the kids play sardines in the dark together.  It was a good idea, and much energy was released! :)  This morning we are waiting as the Masso's van is in the shop getting new bakes, and I am praying that our car (which is making a big clunking sound) makes it there and back with no problems!
The biggest reason for this get together was to let the kids meet each other and take some times to get to know each other better as families.  I am thankful  for this place at Silver Bay that lets pastors and missionaries stay  and eat for free, so we have some space, some time to relax and laugh together, and a chance to talk and really get to know each other more.  The problem with all this is that I REALLY like the Masso family.  This would not be a problem, except that (if I am being honest) the combination of the Masso family and my heart and longing for Africa makes the scariness of not knowing anything about our future even more potent.  I want to go to Africa.  I want to be a part of this team.  Yet I may not be able to.  God may have other plans.  And right all of those plans and paths for out future are murky at best.  I am scared to want it too much and then be disappointed.
But I can't live life that way, and refuse to allow myself to go into safety mode and hibernate.  I will continue praying for this church, for our future, for my kids, for God's plan and will to unfold in my life, and for myself to know that his plan is the absolute best for me because it is done from perfect love.

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